Tongue and Cheek Babysitters, LLC.

As parents of three beautiful girls all under the age of four my wife and I have really had to adjust our social calendars, not that we really were big time partiers pre-kids. But certainly the days of going out real late on a Friday or Saturday night are pretty much over, and in fact not all that appealing anymore.  I can count on one hand over the past year the number of times that I have been up past eleven o’clock and not in my own house. As any parent can attest it just isn’t worth it. The next morning, the next day becomes the longest day;  a true test of human stamina that requires the utmost concentration in simultaneously attending to the needs of your children as well as solving cotton mouth, a splitting headache, light sensitivity, nausea and the sweats of multiple varieties.

So I guess the question to ask is, is there a way to satisfy both child and parent needs simultaneously regarding this day after conundrum? I think there is. It can be done. Parents can hold on to their childless years and party like they are 22 again and children can get their early-to-rise weekend attention.  Parents need a babysitting service from 5am to 2pm.

Hear me out on this one. A babysitter pops in grabs the child or children when they get up, fires up the milk cup and gets breakfast going, etc. Parents sleep in a bit.  How great would that be? C’mon we’ve all been there. It is the back end of any night out that needs to be solved. Here’s my true story.

My oldest was born in September 2012, in November friends of ours got a limo went to dinner by themselves and then planned a night of  bar-hopping.  They invited us to come along after their dinner.  So we lined up a sitter- it was literally the first night we went out since our oldest was born.  My wife and I were definitely looking forward to it.  We started late- around 9pm the limo arrived in the driveway then it was on to the first bar.  We hit it and hit it hard that night.  1 bar, 2 bars 3 bars. . . sometime after midnight I decided it would be a good idea to do a shot of Jameson. Bad move of course. Shots are never a good move no matter what time of day or night, but I didn’t care. My wife even warned me as my buddy and I were ordering the shots “you’re getting up with her!” referring to my daughter who was home asleep in her crib.  I gave my wife the “I’m bulletproof” look back and continued with the poor decision at hand.

I distinctly remember hearing my daughter stirring in the crib mere hours after that shot.  My wife nudged me and after a moment of gathering myself I looked at the clock and it read 5:50am. NO WAY I JUST WENT TO BED. Now, mind you this is not an adult that has awoken at 5:50am that eases into the morning, but rather a 2 1/2 month year old. She had been sleeping pretty much through the night by that point…she was ready to go!

I hobbled into her room with a freight train running through my head and serious morning booze dragon breathe.  I picked her up brought her downstairs, changed her diaper, got her a bottle of milk and myself some ibuprofen. I was in serious rough shape. It became clear after a little bit of sitting with her in the rocking chair that any movement no matter how slight was the equivalent of being aboard a ship at sea that is attempting to ride out a storm. Finally, that shot of Jameson was interested in reemerging as my mouth began to salivate.

I brought my daughter back upstairs quickly nudged my wife and said “look you need to take her otherwise I might just throw up on her.” Needless to say I did not win husband or father of the year that day.  I did however learn a valuable lesson and the forgettable experience netted perhaps a truly niche business idea for a budding entrepreneur that would make Jonathan Swift proud.

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